I discovered sometime back that I am a weak-willed human being….I found out that I am not someone who regularly stands up for his rights…for other’s rights. I am not someone who will stand up in a crowd and demand justice. I work in more subtle (read less-effective) ways. I will squirm and shout and complain but will never raise my voice against injustice.
So what does this make me? In strict uncomporimising world of righteousness that makes me a coward. I am brutally aware of that. I am also painfully aware of my inability to lead a revolution.
The question now is: how does this remarkably frank piece of self-realization help me? Lets try and answer that….
Idealism is a trait that characterizes great people. Great people, as a rule, arent dime a dozen..(that is what makes them “great”!). In the last few years, I have drifted towards the illusion that idealism is a luxury only the great people can afford. For weaker people like me, idealism holds more perils and pitfalls than gains. But isn’t that an excuse? It is….it is the pathetic excuse of a man who is too weak to stand up and fight…too weak to fight his own weaknesses. But isnt that something that I have admitted to when I started this discussion? I am of the belief that if I embrace idealism, I may take enough blows to break me down. My self-knowledge tells me that I am not strong enough to survive this….I am bound to lose heart….I am bound to give up….that is not going to help.
So here is the gist of the thing: I forget about idealism…I absolve myself of all traces and responsibilites towards idealism. I will take one thing at a time…one good deed at a time…one compromise at a time.
I am no Mahatma…I am no Subhash Chandra Bose…I am even betraying my idol: Bhagat Singh….basically, I am weak…but I want to contribute…in my own little selfish way…I want to have an impact, however small….in the hope that I will, someday, be strong enough to embrace idealism…
here’s to hope….